18 Things Every Nigerian Will Remember About Their Parents Having Visitors Over
1.
When you suddenly see cartons of juice and you know visitors are coming.
It’s going down.
2.
When your mother starts bringing out food you’ve never seen in the house before.
Wow! Is it like that?
3.
When you touch something in the fridge and hear “IT’S FOR THE GUESTS!”
Chai! Is it fair?
4.
When your mother wakes you up to clean your room before the visitors come.
Is it my room they are entering?
5.
Your mother, bringing out the special cutlery reserved for only visitors:
Untouchable by anyone else.
6.
When you hear the visitors arrive and you pretend to be asleep so you don’t have to go and greet.
I don’t have energy, biko.
7.
When your parents want you to still dress properly just to come outside and greet.
Inside my own house again?
8.
You and your siblings, greeting them in the presence of your parents:
Before your parents start the ‘you don’t know how to greet’ lecture.
9.
How your parents see you as soon as the visitors enter the house:
Their unofficial waiter for the day.
10.
Your parents face, when you linger in the parlour a little too long:
See ehn, just run.
11.
When your parents that just finished insulting you start praising you in front of their visitors.
Oh? Wasn’t I just a stupid goat 5 minutes ago?
12.
How your mother looks at you when the visitor offers you out of their food:
Her eyes = ‘You want to die today’
13.
You, waiting in your room for the visitors to leave your house.
These ones should do and go.
14.
When the visitors come with their children and you have to entertain them.
Ugh! NO!
15.
When your parents start acting fake nice to you in their visitor’s presence.
Ah! Since when?
16.
When the visitors are about to wash their own dishes and your mother tells them to leave it for you.
Hian! As they want to wash it, nko?
17.
How you feel when they finally leave:
THANK YOU, GOD!
18.
When your mother decides to “help you keep” the money they dashed you.
You know it’s gone forever.
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