We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship.
But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better
understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle
has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist,
to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or
question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please
send your sex and relationship inquiries to tips@bustle.com. Now, onto
today’s topic: how to kiss someone well.
Q: I've kissed a few people, but I still feel like I'm not as good
of a kisser as I could be. How do I know if I'm a good kisser? Can you
give me any kissing tips? How can I be sure I'm really kissing someone well? (If you can't tell, I'm feeling kind of nervous about this.)
A: Thanks for the question! So many people overlook kissing,
especially once they’ve moved on to other “bases”. But kissing is a
ridiculous amount of fun, and is fully deserving of your attention and
effort. It's also super important to intimacy, foreplay, and attraction
in general. Here are eight steps to up your kissing game, since we could
all use a kissing refresher!
Take Your Time
Arguably the best tip I could give you is to go slow and ease your way into every kiss.
If you’re feeling anxious about your kissing abilities, that anxiety is
likely spurring you into rushing your way through it. But no one likes
kissing someone who is hyperactive and all over the place. Kissing is
supposed to be relaxing and sensual! Go nice and slow until you feel
yourself start to settle down and get into the groove.
Use The Right Amount Of Pressure
One of the most basic ways that people mess up kissing
is by going to extremes with the amount of pressure they use. Some
people are way too forceful with their kisses, and wind up bumping
teeth, pushing their partner backwards, or coming off as aggressive.
Other people are shy and timid, and their kisses end up feeling
lifeless. Think about handshakes: it feels strange when someone squeezes
your hand way too tightly, and kinda creepy when you get a limp
handshake. You have to use some pressure but not too much.
I know this will sound silly, but you can practice finding the right
amount of pressure by using the back of your hand! Try pressing your
lips loosely against your hand, then pressing them forcefully. From
there, try to find a middle-of-the-road level of firmness that feels
just right.
Use Your Tongue Wisely
Another common characteristic of "bad "kissing is using way too much tongue.
When you first start kissing someone, keep the tongue out of it until
things start to heat up. Focus more on all the different ways you can
kiss with just your lips — keeping your mouth closed, opening it
slightly, intertwining your lips with your partners’, pouting your lips,
and so on.
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